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My sister has not been diagnosed

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CatWallace
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My sister has not been diagnosed

Unread postby CatWallace » 03 Apr 2012

Hello,
I have a younger sister who has OCD and PTSD (she is 52). She suffered a trauma back in 06'-cancer, negligent doctor, chemotherapy.

She has increasingly become angry these past 4 1/2 years. We have been verbally/emotionally abused by her since. She has been threatening to move out, to leave my parents and I-the reason-my negative energies, I'm always sick, dragging her down. But last August the abuse started to happen several times a day, non-stop to the point that I could no longer talk/communicate with her as I am afraid of opening my heart to her, knowing that she'll just hurt me with such horrible words and treatment. Our physical confrontations started with me just trying to hold her shoulders, to get some kind of control. The look in her eyes was something that I've not seen, evil/crazed. It escalated to where she would come at me. Now the confrontations spread to our parents, trying to convince them of how scarred, mentally ill I was. When our parents finally realized that this wasn't just between two sisters, she started to get angrier with them until it got physical with her and my father a few times. She finally had to leave our home after she called the police on my father. Dad and the police said that she was the one who had to leave. Fortunately she had a place to move to. In the beginning we tried to get her help, sending her to a Psychologist, but she ended up firing our Psychologist as she was told that she was the one who had emotional issues and needed Psychiatric help, medication and anger management. She was to leave us alone for at least two months and was told by the police that if she showed up here again, she'd be arrested. But that very night, she tried to break into our house and has tried on a couple of occasions since then.
We don't know what she has, but she is now delusional in that she thinks that I did some absolutely horrific things to her when she was three years old. And I found that she had 'jimmied' my bedroom window to break into our house in the future.

My parents and I are physically ill from the non-stop abuse. We've been told that it's like acute fight/flight, ongoing. Our nerves are at their very highest. We have anxiety when we hear cars come by and when the phone rings. She has not left us alone, and though I am willing to enforce boundaries, she has a way of still manipulating my parents and ends up coming home for visits that last for at least six hours and causing them more distress. I find that I have to leave our home when she comes over because she will find me and start to verbally attack me. We have had to barricade ourselves in my parent's bedroom at times, in fear of what she would do to us.

She does not believe that she is ill. Whenever she did see our Psychologist, she misenterpreted what was told to her and turned everthing on me. She always says that she has seen a lot of Doctors and they all think that I'm sick. She has even contacted all of my friends, through email, our neighbours and our relatives, telling them how sick I am and all of the things that I've done wrong (in her eyes) in my life.
I'm at my wits' end. She won't leave us alone and my mother is especially feeling the loss of not being a family. We've never been apart as a family and this is killing her. She suffers depression and I have seen such physical deterioration in her these past years. Both of my parents know that if my sister stays on her own and away with us, she will be forced to deal with her issues and hopefully find the help and medication that she desperately needs.

After all of this writing, I guess that I'm wondering if anyone has an idea of what her illness is? Our Psychologist has said that she would never hurt herself, though she is concerned that she could hurt us. I think that there is paranoia with her as well and I know that there has been serious sibling rivalry in her eyes, I never knew that. She feels like my parents favour me, call me the 'good' daughter. But she has had emotional issues since she was two years old (temper, judgemental, critical, confrontational) and my parents do not feel that one is favoured over the other and have treated us equally our entire lives.
I would love to find a support group for my parents and I, but I don't know the mental illness. If I had an idea of what she is suffering from, I could go from there.

We do have mental illness in our family (bi-polar, schizophrenia, depression, suicide, alcohol/drug addiction). I do know that she has suffered from depression.

Apologies for the length of this message.
Many thanks.

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Re: My sister has not been diagnosed

Unread postby AndrewBCSS » 05 Apr 2012

Hi CatWallace,
There is a BC Schizophrenia Society branch in Victoria, which has in-person family support groups. Here's their contact info: http://www.bcss.org/category/branches/o ... ia-branch/

Based on the family history, and sudden onset of paranoia, it sounds like your sister might need medical attention. If she has psychosis (delusions, paranoia, hallucinations) it's a very serious brain condition requiring medication. The sooner it's treated, the better chance her brain has to heal fully. Counselling is helpful when symptoms are stabilized but will no more cure psychosis than it would cure diabetes or epilepsy.

Talk to the Victoria BCSS branch about your options in connecting your sister with medical services. Let me know how that works out, I can help if they can't, but the will have better local information. Perhaps your local mental health team can come visit your sister to do an assessment, particularly if you are concerned about her being violent toward someone in your family.

Here's a link to some information on getting help for relatives:
http://www.bcss.org/category/resources/ ... loved-one/

Sincerely,
Sophia
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CatWallace
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Re: My sister has not been diagnosed

Unread postby CatWallace » 05 Apr 2012

Hi Sophia,
Thank you for all of this information.
In saying 'delusional', I mean that for the past couple of months my sister started to accuse me of sexually abusing her when she was three years old, I was six years old.
She called the police to report this. It has since expanded to my teaching other girls our age sexual things.
I have looked up the BCSS and it sounds like she could have Borderline Personality Disorder. But she's in denial and does not feel that she is ill.
Again, thank you for giving me the website for BCSS.
I don't know how to deal with this and help her, but hopefully this is a beginning.
Cat

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Re: My sister has not been diagnosed

Unread postby AndrewBCSS » 06 Apr 2012

Hi Cat,
Thanks for the clarification.

The only treatment shown to be effective for Borderline Personality Disorder is Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), but she'd have to want to go. A 'delusion' is a fixed belief resulting from a brain condition like psychosis. Delusions are by definition, false and impossible to talk someone out of, and are sometimes a symptom of borderline personality disorder.

However, neither you nor I are doctors or psychologists, and probably armchair diagnosis won't be that useful.

I'm so sorry for this difficult time.

It's also possible that your sister was abused by another child, but not by you. Here's some background that might help. A six year old girl who abuses a 3 year old or behaves in a sexual way that is age-inappropriate has almost certainly been sexually abused herself. Children often act things out that have happened to them as a way of dealing with them. This child is seen as a victim herself rather than an abuser, although of course the experiences of the other children are valid. This sort of acting out abuse is unfortunately not at all unheard of. I'm saying this to let you know that it's not necessarily a crazy idea that your sister might have been abused by another child at some point.

Post-traumatic memories tend to be fragmented, which means that the information about what happened can be separated into chunks, so that a person can be clear about the violation or the feelings or certain details, but not have access to others. It's very different from the way a normal memory feels, but this is typical of memories of traumatic incidents. This is because during a traumatic incident, the brain is overloaded with overwhelming sensations so that it is unable to store them properly. This can lead to full or partial traumatic amnesia (where a traumatic event and/or many of it's details are forgotten for a period of time). A person can forget something happened, and then remember only the emotions, or only the physical sensations, or only some images, at first, which makes it hard to piece together what happened.

As difficult as it must be to be accused of something like this, my suggestion would be to react as neutrally as possible, stay calm and let your sister sort it out on her own. You could tell her you don't remember ever doing this thing, that you think she's mistaken about it being you, and that you'd like to take a break from discussing it with her for now. She may get clearer about what is going on for her over time. Her reporting you to the police, while very upsetting, won't result in a conviction. A six year old is not criminally responsible for her actions.

Sincerely,
Sophia
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British Columbia Schizophrenia Society
A reason to hope. The means to cope.
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CatWallace
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Re: My sister has not been diagnosed

Unread postby CatWallace » 07 Apr 2012

Hi Sophia,
My gosh, the more that I read about this, the more strongly I feel that my sister is suffering this.
May I ask for some advice? I don't know if you can, but my parents and I are suffering, especially my mother.
She is crying and has been in bed all day. I am afraid that I turned away from them two nights ago when my mother stressed me. I think that I am just so frustrated the this counselor who saw both my father and sister, said that my sister does not need medication and this is something 'between sisters' as though this is just a sibling rivalry. This is how I feel and I can't blame my parents for wanting to just forget that this is even happening. They deserve peace and happiness. I just can't be the one to 'fix' this.
Sorry, my question:
My father has no idea what to do next. I did speak with him and shared your words. Our Psychologist told the three of us (Mom, Dad, me) that my sister should stay away from us for at least six months, no visits, no calls. But their love for her (understandable) is allowing her to come here for visits etc. The only problem is, she takes advantage of our time and ends up staying for hours upon hours. I find that I have to be physically away as I cannot even look into her eyes anymore and the sound of her voice just makes me so anxious and fearful.
My father feels that her visiting could help her 'come out of it' and get better, I guess.
But now he has two sides: for her to stay away; to allow her to come over.
He wants her to get Psychiatric help and was wondering if he told her that if Mom, he and my sister went to see her counselor, would she see one of theirs. Of course we have to find a Psychiatrist who deals with this firstly.
I have received some information on BPD and was wondering if I left out a pamphlet somewhere in the house and she happened to see it? She is in absolute denial and 'appears' to be of sound mind to other people. She can turn this on just as quickly as becoming the angry person she has been.
I am fearful for her and for my family's health. I have just found out that I am quite ill, but with less stress and lifestyle change, I can improve, perhaps not be totally cured, but at least better. My parents are in their mid 70's and my mother is recovering from surgery. She is showing signs of depression, stress, anxiety, anger, along with myself. My father doesn't think that he needs another therapy session as he has already been and feels like he could probably do this on his own. He's very strong and I am so impressed that he has survived what he has survived in his life. A weaker person, I feel, would not have survived.
I know that my parents wish that I could get counseling with my sister, just the two of us, but I don't feel that any words/gestures from me would register with her anymore.
I personally feel that my parents and I need a 'qualified' professional who deals with people with BPD.
We're lost in what to do even day-by-day. Do we allow her to visit? Though she was to come yesterday and didn't show. She called them hours later to say that she wasn't coming. It's like she's punishing us and taking away our time. She has been doing this since she was forced to leave last month. And yet when she finally does arrive, she will abuse our time, stay until my mother is so tired and tells her that she needs to go to bed, so has to ask my sister to leave. This made my sister angry and she became verbal, but she did leave. I stay away from my home and worry that she'll invade my bedroom and try to find evidence (medications of my own, diaries etc.), as she has done this so many times. I call my parents to find out if I can come home, make sure that my sister has left. And this is tough, as I am now quite ill and it's difficult for me to even leave my home.
I apologize again for the length of this message. I'm just lost. I don't know how to help my parents or my sister. I know that I have to focus on myself and have found a therapist with BCSS who I will probably call and see. I'm just waiting to find out how much it will cost. But I will see her.
I wish that my parents could see someone who knows all about this illness. There is a meeting at BCSS two Wednesdays from now and I would love if my parents and/or my sister would go.
But wishing and hoping won't make things happen.
Can my father give her an ultimatum? She is legally not allowed here since the police were last here. Could my father say, 'Either you see a Psychiatrist or you cannot contact us in any way for a certain amount of time'? Or could he say that I'm getting therapy and he insists that she see a certain professional? One who we have yet to find.
I value and would be forever grateful for your advice.
Best wishes and thank you for helping me already.
Cat

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Re: My sister has not been diagnosed

Unread postby AndrewBCSS » 07 Apr 2012

Hi Cat,
I think since you are already seeing a psychologist, that would be a very good thing to keep doing. Sorting this out is going to take time and support. Going back to the psychologist and talking about why you aren't following his/her advice might allow your family members to get clear about that, and make an effective decision about what best to do or not do.

I just want to repeat that neither of us is qualified to diagnose or treat your sister (or anyone else). This situation is way more complicated than you and I can sort out over email, don't you think?

Trying to convince people of things about themselves by leaving pamphlets around isn't usually very effective. If your parents don't want to see the psychologist again (or even if they do), you may wish to have your own sessions with one, to help you sort out how you want to respond to this situation and your own feelings, particularly if the stress is affecting your health. It's like that old saying about the airplanes, it's always best to put your own oxygen mask on first before trying to save others.

Here is a website with a number of qualified counselling professionals listed: http://www.counsellingbc.com/ You can view them by area of specialty and location. There are a number who are listed as working with borderline personality disorder, in case you want to talk to someone knowledgeable about that. Here's that page: http://www.counsellingbc.com/taxonomy/term/291

Good luck with this,
Sophia
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CatWallace
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Re: My sister has not been diagnosed

Unread postby CatWallace » 10 Apr 2012

Hi Sophia,
Sorry, I thought that I had replied to you.
Thank you so very much for your advice.
I agree that this is something that can't be fixed online. I am hoping that the Therapist from BCSS will be calling me for an appointment.
My sister is still in control of us, though not living here. She came over two nights ago and left our little bird and take our little dog for an overnight. She was to call yesterday to say when she was coming back to drop off our dog and pick up our little bird. I was anxious all day, just waiting for the phone call. She phoned after 8 p.m. and told my father that she would be by today at 1:30.
I told my father that he is 'feeding her fix', her need to control us and our time.
I am hoping to see the Therapist asap as my nerves are shot. But I do find that I have moments of some peace, not often.
Is it alright if I still share my feelings on here? I have a feeling that I'm going to need some kind of support outside of going to BCSS.
Again, thank you.
As for the abuse, I do remember a time when I was around five?-with her a two boys down the road. I ran home to tell our Mother, but I don't remember anything after that.
I hadn't thought of that until you wrote me, so this further confirms to me that she is suffering from BPD. I can't imagine what she's going through and it makes me cry.
This could be a beginning, a start to my healing and hopefully my parents and my sister if we can just get through the future.
Best wishes,
Cat

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Re: My sister has not been diagnosed

Unread postby AndrewBCSS » 10 Apr 2012

Hi Cat,
The BC Schizophrenia Society doesn't have any therapists, but they do have family support coordinators who can help you find the services you or your family need. They also have family support groups for people who care about someone with a brain illness like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, clinical depression, schizoaffective disorder. That link to a list of therapists I gave you in an earlier post would be a good place to start in looking for a therapist to talk to about all this. Here it is again: http://www.counsellingbc.com/ The counsellors on this site have professional qualifications, so are likely to be helpful. However, you will find that some are going to work better for you than others, which is normal.

If your sister was abused by someone, that doesn't mean that she has borderline personality disorder. Only a qualified professional could say that, and they'd have to meet with your sister to diagnose her.

Childhood abuse can have a lot of effects on a person, from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), to increased risk of mental illnesses from the high stress. Fortunately, with help a person can feel a lot better and recover completely.

I think it could be a very good idea to find some individual counselling for yourself to talk over what you remember about the incident with the two boys. Old feelings and memories can be very disorienting. As well, it can help you sort out what you need to do around the other things. Sometimes when one child in a family starts talking about the abuse they remember, it triggers memories in the other siblings of things that happened to them or which they witnessed. Because survivors of abuse often have traumatic amnesia and then come out of it later, sometimes people don't remember some things that happened a long time ago until later in life.

I'm not saying that's the case for you, but if you find yourself having strong feelings or fears around the things your sister is talking about, you might want to make an appointment to talk to a psychologist or social worker about them. Even if siblings did not see or experience any abuse, it is still often very upsetting, and counselling can help. A counsellor can help make a safe space for you to sort things out. It's not something a person should need to go through without support. If you aren't able to afford private counselling, there are some services I can refer you to. I also know of several good books.

You are welcome to share your feelings here.
Sophia
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Re: My sister has not been diagnosed

Unread postby CatWallace » 10 Apr 2012

Hi Sophia,
Thank you. I do have a limited income, so I would greatly appreciate your giving me some names of people who could help me out with therapy.
You are very understanding and I am learning now that she may not have BPD, you said something of schizo-affective disorder. I think that this illness, now, cannot just be pegged down until she does get the help and find her answers to recovery.
I think that I'm just so desperate in trying to find out what her illness is, that I assumed BPD would be the answer. It's the not knowing that is difficult.
Again, thank you for your kindness and help.
Cat

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Re: My sister has not been diagnosed

Unread postby AndrewBCSS » 11 Apr 2012

Hi Cat,
Since you're in Victoria, I suggest contacting these folks about subsidized counselling for yourself:
http://www.pacificcentrefamilyservices.org/

If they're not a fit, they will likely have some other resources in your community.
Sincerely,
Sophia
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Operations Manager
British Columbia Schizophrenia Society
A reason to hope. The means to cope.
www.bcss.org

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CatWallace
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Re: My sister has not been diagnosed

Unread postby CatWallace » 12 Apr 2012

Hi Sophia,
I think that I would like to try and find some money to see Danielle.
I've had such a difficult eight days. My sister was over here for six out of the eight days.
I saw my GP today and he said that I need to move out because my parents are not able to say 'no' to my sister and my mother and I are having to see him as repercussion? I shared this with them, separately, and my mother said that I should not have said anything to our GP (though the three of us saw him and have told him about how ill my sister is). She told me that this has nothing to do with her. She and my father fully believe that if my sister and I were to go to counseling together, all will be well.
I tried co-counseling with her for over four years and it has just gotten to where she's gone beyond any common sense, reality.
I feel as though my parents are wanting to just pass this over onto me because my sister has all of these issues with me, therefore I must be the cause. I cannot re-convince them of what they have said, what our Psychologist said, what our GP said and what the Police said. I understand that they just want all of this to stop and by my disappearing when my sister shows, they feel that this is putting pressure on them, being stuck between two daughters. I feel that they fully believe that this is something just between my sister and I. I reminded him of her physical attacks towards him, her physical threats to my mother. It's like because this anger isn't in our home, they have forgotten what it really felt like and since my sister is being likeable, visiting etc., they want me to do the same.
All I know is, is that I've got to get better, get back working and as a last resort, move out. I was brought up as the eldest, to take care of my parents in their golden years, but our family is breaking apart.
I am hopeful that they will see some marked improvement in my health, energy and mood as I think that my sister is going away tomorrow until next Tuesday. I'll have a feeling of freedom in my own home for the first time in a long time.
So, tomorrow I will call Danielle and also the group who are less expensive, actually whoever can see me first.
I don't know what I would have done, had I not found BCSS.
Thank you so much.
Cat

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Re: My sister has not been diagnosed

Unread postby AndrewBCSS » 18 Apr 2012

Hi CatWallace,
You're very welcome.
Moving out sounds like a good idea to me too. It could give you some time and space to sort out what you want to do, independently of what your parents need. I'm assuming that you're an adult, and have a job and the means to live on your own?

You're right, groups are often less expensive than individual counselling. It's important to see someone with professional qualifications though, typically a psychologist or social worker with at least a masters degree. They should be willing to tell you about their experience, way of working and qualifications over the phone, and what professional associations they belong to. Some will have a sliding scale if you ask, which means they provide a lower price to people who earn less and a higher price to people who earn more. All the counsellors at that link I sent you ( http://www.counsellingbc.com/ ) have professional qualifications.

Sincerely,
Sophia
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Re: My sister has not been diagnosed

Unread postby CatWallace » 09 May 2012

I'm stressed and upset. My mother, father and I went to see my sister's "counsellor" yesterday. I really didn't want to go as I don't believe that this counsellor is qualified enough to help my sister. I feel that I was right about this. When she asked me about my thoughts, she replied with things like, 'She says exactly the same things about you' and 'This is between two sisters, you should consider seeing me with your sister'. She said that she has been dealing with people/families for over 30 years and yet she sees no mental illness in my sister. She did say that she doesn't feel that I have a mental illness as well. She said that my sister is angry BECAUSE SHE FEELS THAT HER FAMILY HAS REJECTED HER. But this has been a recent event it seems to the counsellor as we have not had contact with my sister for two weeks. My mother and father made the decision to not have contact with her and though my sister was emailing my mother to come over for various reasons, my mother said 'no'.
But now this 'counsellor' is saying that she is the one responsible for convincing my sister to move out, that our little bird would be better with just her. I feel that she thinks too much of herself. I was ticked off and I told her that this is not between two feuding siblings, that my sister was told to move out years ago by our Psychologist (who she eventually fired for telling her some truths). How can this counsellor think that there is just an angry person, a person who is rational, when we have experienced such madness??!
So, my parents have agreed to see the counsellor with my sister to rebuild their relationship with her and this, though would be great for many reasons, won't change how she thinks and reacts with them-eventually. So there is going to be contact with her again, she will be coming over to the house with given 'boundaries', like not to talk about me, not to get angry. But how long can this go on before she needs to vent? It has been agreed that she can no longer come into the suite that we once shared, because it's my home now and I need a 'safe place' for myself.
I'm also so, so very sad. I feel as though the only person who has some say over my sister, this counsellor, is our only hope for my sister to get the proper help she needs. I just want my sister back, I want our family back together. I find that I am pushing myself away from my parents because they're going to do what they've always done (I can't fault them for that), and that's to see my sister. But I've seen and heard of what happens-from them. They end up saying that they no longer want her anywhere near them, no contact etc. But I understand that they're so hopeful, this is their daughter. But my mother just wants for forget about this illness and think that all will be better, that my sister is just upset.
We came so far, I was starting to feel safe again in my home, in my life and now we've taken so many steps back.
I was told in the BPD support meeting that my sister needs to hit her 'rock bottom' and we have been told that in order for that to happen, she needs to be alone, not be part of our family for now so that she will hopefully find out that there is something going on and she needs further help.
I told the counsellor to let my sister know that I'm getting help, I'm getting counselling. I know that this is something that she has been wanting to hear and maybe it will help her anger with me. The counsellor is also going to tell her that I am getting well, starting to live my life and plan on taking a trip.
All I can hope for now is that this will 'trigger' something in her, bring her anger out moreso to the counsellor, showing the counsellor that there is indeed something wrong. How can a professional counsellor not see this?? She has seen it when my father went with my sister to see her twice. Not the raging anger, just the anger that tried to get my father to stop talking.
I just want to cry.
Cat

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Re: My sister has not been diagnosed

Unread postby AndrewBCSS » 10 May 2012

Hi Cat,
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. You know, the only person who you have 'say' over is yourself, and the only person who has say over your sister is your sister. Her counsellor's job is to help your sister do what she needs to do, which may be different from what you or your parents think is the right thing, but the counsellor can't make her do anything. This is just like your own counsellor, whose job it is to help you figure out what you need to do for yourself. I know that can be frustrating when people are making choices you disagree with. Since your sister hasn't been diagnosed with a mental illness or disorder, we don't actually know what's going on with her. She may just be very upset about some things that happened and need to sort that out. That doesn't mean you have to put up with violence, of course.

Since you can't change her, your parents, or the counsellor, I hope that you will take this time to look after yourself and focus on what *you* need, and your own feelings. In my experience, trying to change other people not only never works, it can be very frustrating and painful. It works way better to stick with what you can do something about, which is your own self, your own decisions and choices and how you think and feel. If what is going on for your sister is something you find upsetting, if the way she expresses her anger is something you don't want to be around, then you can decide not to be around her while you sort it out for yourself. Similarly, your parents can choose to do what they need to do for themselves. It's not that easy, I know.

Crying sounds like it might be a good idea. I always feel better after a good cry. I hope things get easier for you.

Sincerely,
Sophia
___________________
Andrew Stewart
Operations Manager
British Columbia Schizophrenia Society
A reason to hope. The means to cope.
www.bcss.org

User avatar
CatWallace
Regular Poster
Posts: 10
Joined: 03 Apr 2012
Relationship: Sibling (brother, sister)
gender: female
Region: Vancouver Island, BC
City or Region: Victoria

Re: My sister has not been diagnosed

Unread postby CatWallace » 10 May 2012

Hi Sophia,
I thank you. I have physically taken a few steps back with my health and I think the lack of sleep and the pain has weakened my emotional self. I was just so upset because my mother, in my eyes, is in denial once again and I'm taken back to the times when she decided to think this. And what always followed is my sister re-connecting with them and they would experience her anger/rage. I know that they will have to do what's in their hearts and I will try and be O.K. with it. I just feel that we were the closest to my sister hitting her 'rock bottom' and getting the help she desperately needs. My parents and I were doing so much better not hearing from my sister. We were starting to feel safe in our home again and I was feeling better to the point of looking into returning to work after my full recovery.
And today after having to still care for her frog and it's live food, putting up with the smell of these creatures, not having the necessary energy to start cleaning out my hoarded suite (she hoarded to the point to where I can't walk into two rooms), my physical setback and having to increase medications that I wasn't needing as much-just everything going wrong, I got into a fight with my parents. It started out with me saying that I didn't feel like going out. My mother questioned me and I told her that I was just sad, sad for my sister. She told me that she felt the same, but 'you just have to deal with it'. And that started it off. They don't understand why I should feel sad. I try to tell them that I just have bad days and things just got worse from there.
My parents think that my sister just has anger issues and though it's true that we can't diagnose-I just can't believe that it's just that. She's just too Jeckyll/Hyde. The BPD support group stories sound just like ours.
It's horrible to hear that my sister needs to hit her 'rock bottom' from people who have BPD, from professionals who say that given the separation, she will come to realize that something is wrong-hopefully that is. And then for her counsellor to just put our progress back instead of forward (in my eyes)-I'm just exhausted in every way.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me. I don't know how my mindset would have gotten to without your words-so again-Thank you Sophia.
I don't feel so alone and I might have a little cry (though I usually fight it-sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Cat


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