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    Online Support for People Who Care About Someone with a Mental Illness

Support suggestions.

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Elliemae
Regular Poster
Posts: 5
Joined: 07 Mar 2012
Relationship: Parent
gender: female
Region: Central BC

Support suggestions.

Unread postby Elliemae » 12 Nov 2013

I wrote here about a year and a half ago and was looking for some where to get some support for a complicated relationship with my mom. She has a diagnosed anxiety disorder (she does not agree, but takes the meds anyways... Feels it is part of her cancer treatment - a side effect from her treatment). and I feel that there are some personality disorder related issues. She was diagnosed with cancer just after I signed up here and had been focusing on her cancer treatment and supporting her. Happy to report that she is well. Along with feeling well she is also back to her previous behaviors that make me feel like I going crazy, feeling like I am on eggshells, feeling manipulated... I have been trying to find the positive that this means she has to be feeling better from the cancer. I have some strategies for even texting and emailing- I send a copy to my dad to make sure that he knows what I said, not her version that she has twisted that then he gets upset. I am exhausted. I am tired of feeling tricked, that I can not do anything right, getting sucked in every time and being some how punished for things I have done wrong, but often don't know what that might have been. My sibling agrees that my mom is struggling and that she is getting worse. My mom has no social activities, no friends - her friends are her pets. That is who she talks too. Both of my parents reject any mental health diagnosis, stating she is not "crazy". I would like to find a book and look at some concrete strategies to stay strong, not get sucked in. And hopefully encourage her to get some help too. (She has told me a couple of times she doesn't need any help).
Thank you.
EM

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AndrewBCSS
Site Admin
Posts: 1298
Joined: 21 Mar 2007
Relationship: Other
gender: male
Region: Lower Mainland BC
City or Region: Vancouver
Location: British Columbia
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Re: Support suggestions.

Unread postby AndrewBCSS » 13 Nov 2013

Hi EM,
If your mom has a personality disorder such as borderline personality disorder, they are very difficult to treat (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy is the only treatment I know of that has been shown to help), but educating yourself about it can help you cope.

I recommend everyone who has a loved one with an mental illness or other serious mental health problem they don't recognize or want to get treatment for read "I'm not sick! I don't need help!" by Xavier Amador, which has some practical strategies for loved ones.

You might also want to read up on borderline personality disorder, to see if any of the information and strategies there for family applies to you. Without an actual diagnosis, we don't know what's going on, but some of the information might be close enough to be helpful to you. Here is some evidence based information on BPD: http://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/newsletter/ ... y-disorder And here is a story from a person with BPD in recovery: http://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/visions/bor ... borderline

Sincerely,
Sophia
___________________
Andrew Stewart
Operations Manager
British Columbia Schizophrenia Society
A reason to hope. The means to cope.
www.bcss.org

User avatar
Elliemae
Regular Poster
Posts: 5
Joined: 07 Mar 2012
Relationship: Parent
gender: female
Region: Central BC

Re: Support suggestions.

Unread postby Elliemae » 13 Nov 2013

Thank you very much Sophia. I appreciate the information. I am looking th book up right now.
EM

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